HOLOVIDS

by Mike Lynch


A BRIEF OVERVIEW OF HOLOVIDS

Holofilms are individual stories told in audio and video, typically anywhere from eighty minutes to three hours in length. Some holofilms are far shorter, some are far longer, and some are programmed to affect other senses than sight and sound (although such holos aren't particularly popular). Though chemical "film" ceased to be part of the production process eons ago, the term "holofilm" retains the reference to its roots. Viewing a holofilm usually costs about two credits, seven or more if the film has just been released to holotheaters and is not yet widely available for download.

Weekly holoseries are essentially short holofilms which typically follow a single storyline and feature recurring characters. Often produced by the identical process used for holofilms (but seldom with the same large scale), holoseries are generally cheap to produce but provide just as much entertainment value as most holofilms. The difference is holoseries cost nothing to view, as they are aired on set schedules. The only cost is incurred when a viewer wishes to watch a particular episode at a set time, in which case archive access and a download fee are usually required. Such on-demand holoseries episodes are not universally available, either.

It is not at all uncommon for the makers of a popular holoseries to cross over and do a holofilm based on the series, or vice versa. More common than holofilms becoming holoseries, however, are sequels to existing holofilms. Seldom as popular, sequels nevertheless draw in sufficient money to justify their continued production in many cases.

The following are some significant examples of each type of holo, with a short description of each title. The popularity of any holovid varies from sector to sector, season to season, but those listed here are among the more prominent holos for their own individual eras.



HOLOFILMS

"The Rise and Fall of Palpatine's Empire"
*****
A six-hour-long docudrama, this epic masterpiece was begun shortly after the Battle of Endor and completed decades later. Its producer/director, Harnel Grempner, won countless awards for his obsessively well-researched (and disturbingly well-acted) account of the Empire's history. The New Republic government kept a close eye on production and required Harnel to submit his final copy for approval, due to the still- sensitive political information contained in the film. It has been viewable in holotheaters ever since its release, a rare honor as most holofilms are pulled within months. Critics and holofilm students widely agree that "Rise and Fall" (as it is referred to for short) is one of the best holofilms ever made.

"Moisture-Boy: The Luke Skywalker Story"
****
A comic retelling of the life of Jedi Master Luke Skywalker, "Moisture-Boy" was immensely popular when it was released shortly after the "return" of Grand Admiral Thrawn, although some critics disliked its highly disrespectful tone. Master Skywalker himself, however, has publicly expressed his appreciation of the humor.

"The Re-Education of Zak Jepkan"
*****
Banned instantly by the Imperial Board of Culture when it was released two years before Alderaan's destruction, "Jepkan" is an offbeat, dark, and disturbingly realistic portrayal of a fictional man's brainwashing by the Empire. Now often a subject of psychological and ethical discussion, "Jepkan" was during its time just one of many small jibes at the all- powerful Empire, and holofeatures of this sort are to a large degree responsible for sowing the very first seeds of rebellion.

"Nar Shaddaa Blues"
***1/2
A gratuitously violent holo, "Nar Shaddaa Blues" is a complex tale of criminal activities and bizarre individuals. The holo is perennially popular with adolescents, though the few actual criminals who have time for holos find it to be dull and silly.

"Rampage of Love"
****
This bizarre film, written by the Snivvian Daggbuddle, took years to make -- its perplexing subject matter sent it from the hands of one frustrated director to another countless times. In the end, this resulted in a slightly disjointed, but generally brilliant piece of work.

"Moonrise Over Kluistar"
*****
The quintessential love story, "Moonrise Over Kluistar" is a bittersweet and surprisingly poignant tale of love gained, love lost, and love regained. It is one of the few films not rated "Scarlet" by the Imperial Board of Culture to which modern critics give high praise; "Moonrise Over Kluistar" is that rare holofilm that a Human of any age, and most nonhumans, can enjoy.

"Ol' Blue Skin"
****1/2
This mockumentary (chronicling the alleged early life of Thrawn as a lounge singer) never attained widespread popularity, but holobuffs the galaxy over admire its witty writing, not to mention the fantastic performance of actor Dack Narjub, who still occasionally wears the red contact lenses in public.

"Line Squad Alpha"
***
This basically brainless holofilm nevertheless attained immense popularity when it was released -- the high-octane action blew audiences away, and star Jep Staona became an instant star. His subsequent holos have all been compared to "Line Squad Alpha," which has yet to be superceded.

"I Married Xim"
****
A comic retelling of the age-old tales of Xim the Despot from the point of view of his fictional wife, Zeema, "I Married Xim" was popular when it was released a decade before Palpatine took power, but later generations have failed to see the interest due to the film's timely humor. The film stars Veena Chaima, wife of prominent holovid producer Rhon Chaima (who disappeared less than two years later).

"Saving Ensign Lynch"
****1/2
A very pro-Imperial war film, "Saving Ensign Lynch" stars recording artist Chase Madera, best known as the one-hit wonder who produced the single "I'll Protect the Galaxy (For You)", as the sniper. The film was praised for its remarkably realistic portrayal of the battlefield.

"Whither Coruscant?"
***
This wacky comedy, starring Chase Madera in multiple roles, got a "scarlet" rating after the Emperor saw Madera's dead-on (and highly insulting) impression of him. After this film became restricted, Chase Madera "vanished" into obscurity.

The "Jerry the Jedi" Series
"Jerry the Jedi" **1/2
"Jerry the Jedi Goes to Fondor" *1/2
"Jerry the Jedi & The Wooden Lightsaber" *
"Jerry the Jedi Meets Mari the Jedi" *
"Jerry the Jedi Goes Mynock Huntin'" *
"Jerry the Jedi Saves Coruscant" 1/2

This abysmally idiotic film series began with the marginally entertaining "Jerry the Jedi" and got worse as the sequels spilled out. No one knows how the films keep getting made; each one bombs in the theaters and the last two never even went to theaters to begin with. The actor who plays Jerry the Jedi, Steve Bleppo, has no other career and is the target of endless parody by other, cleverer comedians.


WEEKLY HOLOSERIES

"Ryloth Place"
**
A popular series with adolescents, Ryloth Place chronicles fashionable, young, conniving Twi'leks and their lives, loves, and schemes.

"Starburst Nights"
**
A knockoff of "Ryloth Place," this holosoap has been running for decades, necessitating different actors to portray the same roles. Chase Madera spent a season on "Starburst Nights" before his disappearance.

"Who Are You To Accuse Me?"
***
A very popular comedy centered around the wacky exploits of the rich and powerful, "Accuse Me" features a cast of nobles, high-ranking Imperials, and the occasional whimsical beggar.

"Undercity"
*****
This critically acclaimed and reasonably popular series is set in the lower levels of Coruscant and follows a small circle of regular characters of various races and professions. "Undercity" premiered in the later years of the Empire and was banned immediately by COMPNOR, but now enjoys more public exhibition. Its gritty realism and supremely crafted tension hook viewers who are tough enough to watch it (it's not very popular in the Core at all).

"Ship of Love"
**
A long-running hour-long drama, "Ship of Love" premiered just before Chancellor Valorum's election, enjoyed its best ratings during the Empire and aired its final episode many years before the Galactic Civil War erupted. Filmed aboard the actual cruise liner "The Ralis Queen," "Ship of Love" featured a famous guest star each week, but the regular characters remained the same, constantly getting embroiled in love affairs with one another. Now, in the era of rebellion, "Ship of Love" is almost synonymous with "passe."

"Troops"
**1/2
A popular, long-running "reality" series, "Troops" is remarkably cheap to produce -- in essence, the half-hour program is just a camera droid following around various stormtrooper squads across the galaxy. Many holonetworks air "Troops" episodes several times daily, and every so often a "Troops" on-location special is produced to boost ratings ("Troops in Imperial City" and "Troops on Kothlis" being two recent specials). The Empire officially sanctioned the series, feeling it was a generally harmless extension of the New Order, but some episodes have been banned due to political repercussions. One such episode, in which the cause of death of Luke Skywalker's adopted parents on Tatooine is revealed, exists only in the form of underground copies made from the never-released master.

"Laugh Station Live"
****
This long-running live comedy series has started many a young talent on the road to stardom and sent equally many down the path to obscurity. The quality of the hour-long show depends upon the cast, which changes gradually as seasons progress, but generally it is one of the better-written comedy holoseries. Each week, "Laugh Station Live" also allots about ten minutes to a new musician or musical group; a gig on "Laugh Station" usually results in certain popularity for some duration of time, and many viewers enjoy watching archaic episodes to see the ridiculously out-of-date acts (and jokes).

"Dr. Doodad"
*
This action-oriented series centers around the handsome and charming Dr. Doodad, an engineer with a heart of gold and the technological know-how to accomplish any feat with whatever junk happens to be lying around. Each week, Dr. Doodad and his wisecracking Sullustan sidekick Jeebo help an individual or group in distress and then move on to help someone else. Most critics detest the holo's brainless writing, but it maintains a steady fan base.

"The Brenns"
****
Situation comedies centered around the family are common, but few have endured longer than this series about a middle-class Human family and their irritable Shistavanen neighbors. Winner of 10 Golden Galaxy awards, "The Brenns" has run continuously since just before the subjugation of Mantooine.

"Beyond the Stars With Professor Gulmor"
*****
Easily the most popular nonfiction holoseries in history, "Beyond the Stars" allows couch potatoes on Coruscant and moisture farmers on Tatooine an opportunity to take a weekly excursion to a new planet or system. Hosted by Professor Gulmor, an actual Mrissi professor of galactic culture, "Beyond the Stars" has run for longer than many humans have been alive. Gulmor is the second host of the show, the first (Professor Wergner of Corellia) having died during production of Episode 783, "Alderaan: Planet of Peace."

"Aliens: Enemies and Allies"
***1/2
This animated series deftly combines sarcastic humor and genuinely tense action. While not popular with most Humans and many other demographic groups, the show has enough appeal to keep it on the air, though it wouldn't have maintained legitimacy for a day under the Empire. Set on a free-trader freighter, "AEA" has a large cast of recurring characters and prides itself on equal opportunity mockery of races. Most popular are the Bimm pickpocket, the Wookiee masseuse, the Human sex offender, and the Hutt cook.



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