Now is the time to delve more deeply into what makes the difference between
description and good description. Below we see a very short and dry description
that will suffice to get basic details across to the players.
Veina
|
Type |
Mining Colony |
Starport |
Limited Services |
Temperature |
Cool |
Population |
45,000 |
Atmosphere |
Type I |
Planet Function |
Colony |
Hydrosphere |
Moderate |
Government |
? |
Gravity |
Standard |
Tech Level |
Space |
Terrain |
Mountain, Plains |
Major Exports |
Metals |
Length of Day |
20 hours std. |
Major Imports |
Foodstuffs |
Length of Year |
306 days |
System |
Veina |
Sapient Species |
? |
Star |
Robuld |
Capsule
Veina, a mining colony, has a small population of mostly laborers.
The town is somewhat small, and there are a lot of drab and dreary
structures. The skies of Veina are usually overcast, with heavy wind
and rain, as well as severe thunder and lightning. |
The only problem is that nothing above will "take" anyone somewhere.
So how to do that? Well, think of what you are experiencing when you are
actually somewhere - anywhere.
You are sensing things with as many senses as are being affected. Sight,
sound, smell, taste, and touch can all figure in on an experience. Though
we sometimes don't conciously notice our senses at that time, these are
what help us remember places and situations later on in life. In other
words, it is our sensory impressions that are retained and recalled when
recalling memorable moments of our life.
Sight and sound are usually the most noticed senses, and usually are
the more often affected ones. Making the description of Veina be more
involved in terms of sight and sound is a good way to start infusing some
more inspiring description. Let's start with the weather...
"The skies of Veina are usually overcast, with heavy
wind and rain, as well as severe thunder and lightning."
Now, pull the key elements out of that sentence: overcast sky,
heavy wind and rain, severe thunder and lightning. Notice
how you've got words already modifying those? Overcast, heavy, and severe
are all words that enhance the quality (or quantity) effect of the base
word. It's not just sky, it's overcast sky. It's not just wind
and rain, it's heavy wind and rain. And as if thunder and lightning
wasn't enough to add, it's severe thunder and lightning. Now what
could we do to further enhance this situation? Let's work on each key
element...
Sky Think of the time you were most
intimidated or emotionally affected by the sky. Since your target
emotion for the players is something to do with sinister, you want
to think along those lines. When a sky is overcast, it's rather dreary
- but have you ever been under a sky about to release a tornado? What
about one that was holding so much moisture that it seemed like you
could brush the bottom of the clouds? Get your mind into that sky.
Picture yourself standing below it, staring at it. Freeze that image,
and write every detail you can pull from it. Here's my whack at it:
"The skies are overcast, and overwhelmingly still. It seems
as though the lowest portions of the clouds are painted black. The
cover looks impenetrable, streaked a filthy cream at the lightest
portions. Not one hint of the calm blue sky above is anywhere. It
is as though a great being is punishing the world, revoking it's privilege
to the warming sunlight. Even in the height of day, any illumination
is shadowy and lackluster at best. The world is encased in a dull
and inhibiting gray shell."
Wind Often, even in the presence of
sunlight, wind alone can be overbearing. It can rush heavily or be
so gentle as to inspire terror, depending on the surroundings. Do
the same thought process as you did with the sky, only now with wind
in mind. Picture the time you were most invigorated, even intimidated
by the wind. Again, here's my stab at it:
"On top of all this, there are winds. Strong, solid winds. The
kind that drive a torrent of rain into your face even if you've ducked
your dead down, and slanted your hat low. Defying the rain is one
thing, but defying a wind-driven rain is altogether a waste of time.
On rare instances, the winds have been known to shove a parked craft
into the side of a building, or push it down a street, even blow out
a window or two. But mostly, it just meanders about the land, weaving
in gusts through the streets and around the corners. The wind definitely
provids an added bite of cold, and whips the rains into sheets of
moisture, sweeping the surface."
Thunder & Lightning This form of
weather is automatically identified along with things such as intimidation
and emotional impact - after all, it's a staple of horror shows and
mystery stories, just to name a few. Using thunder and lightning is
good, but not good enough. Again, pull from your past (of vivid imagination)
a special moment, one that impacted you heavily (or would). Paralyze
that scene and study it in your head, and take notes about it - that's
your description that will take the players there with you. Once more,
here's my attempt:
"Great strands of lightning tear and crack the vista above.
Ever random, and far in their reach, the bolts play across the panorama.
The flashes reveal, split seconds at a time, the true nature of the
seemingly smooth, fluffy underside of the sky. Pits and canyons embedded
in the bottom light up, filled with the bright electricity. It is
a very impressive show - sometimes terrifying. Deep thunder curls
from horizon to horizon. The rumbling occasionally intensifies, climaxing
to a fierce crack, as a lance strays from above, carving through the
air and connecting to some luckless target. But fires are never a
danger, as the rain expediently settles any possibility."
Rain Rain is the poster-weather for
sadness in many people (not me - I love it!), and often identified
with the same things as the other types of weather listed above. Once
more, press yourself into the scene. Instigate intense thought on
it, and get emotionally involved - this is the only way you will produce
the minute details that tease reality out of impressions.
"The pouring rain never stops. Not even so much as rests. At
the very least, there is a constant drizzle, enough to keep everything
soaked. But even those low times are comparatively rare. Mostly, the
weather ranges from decent, lingering rain to incredible downpours
of force. It is often suprising that so much water could fall in so
short a time. Sometimes the clouds release their burden as though
startled, or even tickled by the lightning, and immense falls batter
the landscape. Flash floods are a common occurrence, but never any
of truly disastrous proportions. Generally, the rain just keeps coming.
It drowns any evidence of detail, and often even robs the land of
color."
Before we continue, I want to point something out. You see how, from
the beginning, I tied things together? The description of the wind is
involved with the rain, as well as the lightning. In turn, the lightning
description involved the sky, and ended with the inclusion of the rain.
You want to strive to do this from as early as possible with everything
you write. It is my experience that the sooner you fuse things together,
the better they will be combined as a finished product at the end of things...
Now, let's assemble what we have, and see what
it adds up to...
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