Now is the time to delve more deeply into what makes the difference between description and good description. Below we see a very short and dry description that will suffice to get basic details across to the players.

Veina
Type Mining Colony Starport Limited Services
Temperature Cool Population 45,000
Atmosphere Type I Planet Function Colony
Hydrosphere Moderate Government ?
Gravity Standard Tech Level Space
Terrain Mountain, Plains Major Exports Metals
Length of Day 20 hours std. Major Imports Foodstuffs
Length of Year 306 days System Veina
Sapient Species ? Star Robuld
Capsule Veina, a mining colony, has a small population of mostly laborers. The town is somewhat small, and there are a lot of drab and dreary structures. The skies of Veina are usually overcast, with heavy wind and rain, as well as severe thunder and lightning.

The only problem is that nothing above will "take" anyone somewhere. So how to do that? Well, think of what you are experiencing when you are actually somewhere - anywhere.

You are sensing things with as many senses as are being affected. Sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch can all figure in on an experience. Though we sometimes don't conciously notice our senses at that time, these are what help us remember places and situations later on in life. In other words, it is our sensory impressions that are retained and recalled when recalling memorable moments of our life.

Sight and sound are usually the most noticed senses, and usually are the more often affected ones. Making the description of Veina be more involved in terms of sight and sound is a good way to start infusing some more inspiring description. Let's start with the weather...

"The skies of Veina are usually overcast, with heavy wind and rain, as well as severe thunder and lightning."

Now, pull the key elements out of that sentence: overcast sky, heavy wind and rain, severe thunder and lightning. Notice how you've got words already modifying those? Overcast, heavy, and severe are all words that enhance the quality (or quantity) effect of the base word. It's not just sky, it's overcast sky. It's not just wind and rain, it's heavy wind and rain. And as if thunder and lightning wasn't enough to add, it's severe thunder and lightning. Now what could we do to further enhance this situation? Let's work on each key element...

Sky Think of the time you were most intimidated or emotionally affected by the sky. Since your target emotion for the players is something to do with sinister, you want to think along those lines. When a sky is overcast, it's rather dreary - but have you ever been under a sky about to release a tornado? What about one that was holding so much moisture that it seemed like you could brush the bottom of the clouds? Get your mind into that sky. Picture yourself standing below it, staring at it. Freeze that image, and write every detail you can pull from it. Here's my whack at it:

"The skies are overcast, and overwhelmingly still. It seems as though the lowest portions of the clouds are painted black. The cover looks impenetrable, streaked a filthy cream at the lightest portions. Not one hint of the calm blue sky above is anywhere. It is as though a great being is punishing the world, revoking it's privilege to the warming sunlight. Even in the height of day, any illumination is shadowy and lackluster at best. The world is encased in a dull and inhibiting gray shell."

Wind Often, even in the presence of sunlight, wind alone can be overbearing. It can rush heavily or be so gentle as to inspire terror, depending on the surroundings. Do the same thought process as you did with the sky, only now with wind in mind. Picture the time you were most invigorated, even intimidated by the wind. Again, here's my stab at it:

"On top of all this, there are winds. Strong, solid winds. The kind that drive a torrent of rain into your face even if you've ducked your dead down, and slanted your hat low. Defying the rain is one thing, but defying a wind-driven rain is altogether a waste of time. On rare instances, the winds have been known to shove a parked craft into the side of a building, or push it down a street, even blow out a window or two. But mostly, it just meanders about the land, weaving in gusts through the streets and around the corners. The wind definitely provids an added bite of cold, and whips the rains into sheets of moisture, sweeping the surface."

Thunder & Lightning This form of weather is automatically identified along with things such as intimidation and emotional impact - after all, it's a staple of horror shows and mystery stories, just to name a few. Using thunder and lightning is good, but not good enough. Again, pull from your past (of vivid imagination) a special moment, one that impacted you heavily (or would). Paralyze that scene and study it in your head, and take notes about it - that's your description that will take the players there with you. Once more, here's my attempt:

"Great strands of lightning tear and crack the vista above. Ever random, and far in their reach, the bolts play across the panorama. The flashes reveal, split seconds at a time, the true nature of the seemingly smooth, fluffy underside of the sky. Pits and canyons embedded in the bottom light up, filled with the bright electricity. It is a very impressive show - sometimes terrifying. Deep thunder curls from horizon to horizon. The rumbling occasionally intensifies, climaxing to a fierce crack, as a lance strays from above, carving through the air and connecting to some luckless target. But fires are never a danger, as the rain expediently settles any possibility."

Rain Rain is the poster-weather for sadness in many people (not me - I love it!), and often identified with the same things as the other types of weather listed above. Once more, press yourself into the scene. Instigate intense thought on it, and get emotionally involved - this is the only way you will produce the minute details that tease reality out of impressions.

"The pouring rain never stops. Not even so much as rests. At the very least, there is a constant drizzle, enough to keep everything soaked. But even those low times are comparatively rare. Mostly, the weather ranges from decent, lingering rain to incredible downpours of force. It is often suprising that so much water could fall in so short a time. Sometimes the clouds release their burden as though startled, or even tickled by the lightning, and immense falls batter the landscape. Flash floods are a common occurrence, but never any of truly disastrous proportions. Generally, the rain just keeps coming. It drowns any evidence of detail, and often even robs the land of color."

Before we continue, I want to point something out. You see how, from the beginning, I tied things together? The description of the wind is involved with the rain, as well as the lightning. In turn, the lightning description involved the sky, and ended with the inclusion of the rain. You want to strive to do this from as early as possible with everything you write. It is my experience that the sooner you fuse things together, the better they will be combined as a finished product at the end of things...

Now, let's assemble what we have, and see what it adds up to...

 

 

 

This is an original work by Tim "Nealos" Salam. Note that descriptive text included are exerpts from a work in progress.

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